So This Is Christmas

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas...let your heart be light

Oh it 'tis the Christmas season, however, I am having a hard time getting into the spirit. The lack of snow and not being a kid anymore makes it tough. This year I realized that Christmas just isn't going to be the same. I recognized this at a concert I went to last night. As the song Silent Night floated through the sanctuary I understood how much has changed.

Before our church was remodeled (which occurred when I was around twelve or so) we were allowed to have candles in the sanctuary. All the lights would be turned off and we'd sing Christmas songs as we tried not to let the dripping wax burn our fingers. Slient Night vividly brought back those memories.

Then we would tromp out into the snow, sit in the freezing car and drive to my Grandparent's house. Where, while the adults gorged themselves in Swedish meatballs and other delights, us cousins would eagerly be anticipating the mounds of presents soon to be coming our way. Old time Christmas music (Bing, Frank, Cole etc.), picture taking, flying wrapping paper, twinkling lights, laughter, and frozen fingers was my family's Christmas.

Things have changed. That church stopped it's candle light tradition-plus I don't go there anymore, there aren't huge mounds of presents, there isn't as much laughter, my Grandpa now has a hard time remembering who we are, this year there isn't any snow, and the spirit of Christmas feels lost.

Through the years we all will be together, If the fates allow . Hang a shining star upon the highest bough And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

I am no longer 'required' to attend family Christmas gatherings. I can go to the church service of my choice (but where?), I can arrive at family things when I want to and leave when I want to. I can follow my own schedule mixed with family and friends. I have 'my own life' now. It's weird.

Where is the deeper meaning of Christmas? The celebration of Christ? Maybe this is where settling down and having my own family, starting my own traditions comes in. Maybe the feeling is lost because it's my turn to share the joy of Christ and not just receive, or maybe its something else.