Step-Parenting

This weekend is the start to my first “official” two weeks as a step-mom. In all non-legally binding regards I have 2.5 years of step-moming already under my belt. Nothing is going to change. We were a family before we said “I do” and we are still a family now. The most significant advancement is now baby momma has to face the reality that really, there truly is no hope of getting my husband back, and that I now will be for sure part of the process of raising my husband’s child and our children.

It is a position in life that if you are not a step-parent it is hard to understand the process one goes through in adjusting and learning this new role. If you are one, then you know what I mean. Every family with step anything is different. No two scenarios are the same, but we all face similar challenges regarding legalities, family dynamics and that fun one, emotions. I am not bashing the difficulties of raising children birth parents face; I hope to become one myself. However, I am highlighting the fact that entering into a family or building a family involving children that are not your own is not an easy task and should not be brushed off.

One thing you should never do is disregard a step-parent’s role and position as a parent. That is a sure fire way to end up getting a ‘dislike button’ pushed on your forehead. We are raising children. When that child throws a tantrum we have to deal with it, when that child needs clean clothes or a bath, we are cleaning them. We are not babysitters, we do not get paid and we do not get to say I don’t want to watch them anymore. We are moms and dads, I am a mom.

I just read a magazine article that discusses the top ten reasons why becoming a step-mom is harder that becoming a birth mom. I’m sure some birth mothers would like to disagree. The article doesn’t dis-birth mothers, but it clearly outlines some very true realities to why being a step-mom is difficult. People don’t recognize you as a real parent, you don’t get nine months to mentally prepare for having a child, you don’t bond through hormones and you don’t have a huge circle of people who have been there before. A step parent goes from being childless to having children in an instant. I had my own house and a cat, which (some of it gradually) quickly changed to having a boyfriend (now husband), child, two dogs and two cats in our house.

There are countless situations, scenarios, dynamics and emotions I could discuss, but that will all come in time. Right now I am thinking in the terms of mom. For the next two weeks every decision made in our house will be based on being parents, not just being a couple.